Repost: "What is the point of summer?"
04: A blurb about summer as you age.
this is a repost from my original handler. I’ve simply moved it here.
I know. I know…
It’s August. The last month of summer and debatably, the first pseudo month of fall. I wanted to post something earlier (this July), but life happens. I’m new to this platform and I hope to further introduce my plans for my writing here. My excuse for this late post; I’ve been bumming around and working this summer while trying to find my origin of joy ever since I graduated this May.
To set the scene, we’ll focus on a moment. I had just came out of work and I sluggishly entered my sister’s car after my 9-5 shift. My mind felt completely cluttered along with my inability to focus on anything as I was spouting to my sister despite being somewhat ‘there’.
“Why don’t we travel to the small downtown next to home?” I asked.
She paused, “You mean deep in [insert suburb name] with the little shops?”
Once we finally agreed to my request, as she merged on the freeway with the sky scraping view of the city fading behind us, I knew we were on a path. I hadn’t felt present for the past few days and this spontaneous decision had jolted a sort of liveliness in me. I watched as the trees and freeway morphed into small homes and shops on two way streets as we got ever so closer to our destination. Once there, we parked behind a small pub and pizza shop.
To give perspective on this town; my sister and I tried to find any open store, but most were closed around 4 or 5PM. We got there at 5:40PM. Luckily, a small local ice cream shop was till open. I got a chocolate malt with coconut ice cream as the base. As we gathered our soft served treats and waked in the 80 degree late sun beating on us, I felt alive. The smell of the river nearby wafting over this small street with 2 story brick buildings that look as though they came out of “Gilmore Girls” (as my sister puts it) was exactly what I needed.
Is this what summer is about? I thought to myself as I took another sip of my malt while walking around the wide sidewalks of the small suburban downtown. It was safe to say that my mind had shifted that early June.
The problem for me hadn’t been the absence of a vacation and summer travel. I didn’t travel much growing up nor was it the focus for every summer for me. The problem I had felt with summer ever since the beginning of my sophomore year of college, was that it lost its seasonality. It had lost that summer glow.
To me, summer had always been the most relaxing time of year for me growing up. I would often ride my bike and spend hours outside either playing or reading. It was the season of leisure and youthfulness. It was when I would catch up with the world and watch so many movies (When ABC used to air movies on cable TV) with my family. I would just find myself in a constant dream like state of joy with the warm light of the summer sun shining on everything on the world, slowing it down.
I will admit, I do have a bit of a Peter Pan complex when it comes to the way I self soothe and view happiness. As someone who had to take care of everyone around herself at such a young age, it is no wonder I held on to my inner child for so long despite growing up. My introspective nature is very aware of this, but that doesn’t stop me from losing sight of what brings me joy and those pauses in life.
I’m a person who is now plagued with burnout almost every other week from work and career. Tis is the curse of being in STEM despite loving it still. So I decided this summer to approach my problems differently. I needed a way to pause the world and find that summer glow that had seemed to dim from the previous years of immense burnout I had dealt with each summer.
First off, it is HARD to make the world pause. It’s not as if I have a magic wrist watch and could press pause at anytime. I tried the simplest route, try to limit my screen time. This in its self has been a continuous project. Its allowed me to be more intentional with my phone usage and most of all; my time.
Just being knowledgeable of when I got sucked into a Pinterest rabbit hole with my time allows me to do other things that do bring relaxation to me. I found that I was reading more. I finally got books I once read in middle school and read them once more along my current list of books for this year. I also found myself watching shows I had always felt rushed to watch simply because I now made time for them. I found my mornings more memorable and peaceful, making my coffee and sipping it with my bedroom window open in the morning.
I was just more present in the moments I had thought previously to be mundane. To be present in the mundane and silence has given me a pause button for my world. I had that pocket to find what made me happy; ambiance and reading.
Another thing I had found that worked was (drumroll please!); being spontaneous with my free-time.
No, I didn’t go skydiving (yet), but I did something close enough. I disrupted my habit of home-bodying and smelled my backyard flowers (literally). I want to more local places I had never been to previously and tried to get familiar with my area. I would randomly decide to just go to the nearby mall, park, etc., and find something there that I hadn’t known was there previously.
Who knew shaking up my scenery once a week and leaving the house was what I needed to find a little sparkle in my afternoons. It allowed me to be a risk taker and form memories and moments I wouldn’t have on the many days I would commute straight back home. Being active outdoors and trying new trails has also given me the time to run wild in my mind and daydream or open the mental windows and declutter my thoughts. I found myself much more relaxed about my time when adventuring then staying at home after work and watching YouTube.
Overall, I could go on and on and on about the ways I reclaimed my summer to be summer once again instead of a hotter busier version of my Decembers. I touched basis with activities in my childhood that brought me joy but also tried to find what made me present and joyful in my current time.
Previously, I had tried the “self-care” tips I had been witnessing on YouTube, but I found that emptying my pockets for a face mask or a bathrobe, searching for skincare brands, and new (uninteresting) aesthetic focused activities didn’t bring much joy to me. It was frankly, quiet stressful. As a self proclaimed romantic and clinger to my inner child; I quickly found that the things that made me happy were always somewhat there. Not the exact same routine, but rather the meaning I formed with these activities that I participated in.
I found my point of summer; connecting with myself and wondering throughout my mind and world. These are the points of summer that make my memories so fond of the season. Summer is supposed to be whatever you make it to be. I found that my point of summer.
Have you found yours?
Your girl always,
JC.